Silence
by Insanity21
Summary: TMNT Season 4 ep 1- Leo's suffering and blaming himself for everything that happened to Splinter therefore killing himself in the process, Can his family save him before he destroys himself or will they let Leo waste away to nothing.? dedicated to Remcicles and for contest from ThatGeekyG1rl.
1. Chapter 1

Silence

Hey everyone its been awhile…. heh...yeah.. being a senior sucks, anyway I've entered this contest from ThatGeekyG1rl and I chose:

:TMNT Season 4 ep 1- Leo's suffering and blaming himself for everything that happened to Splinter therefore killing himself in the process, not sleeping and having to be forced to drink and eat by Honeycutt while being held down by his brothers.

I got a real good feel for this and I'd really want to write something dedicated to Remcicles for she really inspired me to write again, so I am back from my hiatus yay! So on with the story!

Silence.

What is this feeling? Is this what death feels like? I'm still breathing, but the air feels so tense it's like breathing through water, like drowning. I've felt this before, several times. The water fills your lungs till there is no air except for the steady stream of bubbles that mock your dwindling fight for existence and the rush of cold that numbs you till you freeze. I've felt this! I know this feeling! Yet, I'm alive. I don't know how. It just is.

It sort of reminds me of how the earth ended, heh funny, it's gone. It just is.

My name is Leonardo, I am a survivor who did nothing but watch everyone and everything I knew disappear before my eyes as their lives turned into oblivion.

*beep…...beep…..beep…...beep.*

That was the only sound that filled the small medbay where Leo currently resided abroad professor Honeycutt's Ship.

"Hey bro" Donnie said softly as he broke the silence of the room while checking Leo's vitals. He was met with much expected since, the type that Donnie has come to hate. Leo seemed to be laying in some sort of induced coma, asleep for four days now, but it had to be done. A tube was inserted by Professor Honeycutt down Leo's throat. It was currently sending a trail of this nasty light brown liquid down to the current patient's stomach. Usually Honeycutt would come do this but Donnie needed to be with Leo for a moment. His hand was grasping Leo's tight. He had taken a seat next to Leo, waiting for the feeding machine to send out a beep to let him know it was done.

"Hey…"

Donnie looked up to see Raph leaning on the doorway.

"How's he doing?"

"Same…"

"Can I see 'im?"

"Sure"

As Raph entered the room he only felt guilt and sadness eat away at his insides. He looked down at his elder brother's still form, he internally wept to see his brother hooked up to so much machinery. ' _How did we let him go on like this for so long…"_ he thought he took a seat next to Leo. His heart filled with rage at the thought of his brother being in yet another coma...but this time, he felt the ice in his stomach take out the rage making him feel numb because as raph thinks deeper into it… he let this happen.

"Hey Raph, we should get going."

Raph looks up at Donnie who had already removed the feeding tube, a sight that Raph was happy not to see, for whenever the tube was put in or taken out Leo's body would jerk as if in pain, and Raph just purely hated it, and sometimes his protective nature would take over. He slowly got up from the chair as Donnie replaced the tube with a breathing mask.

"Yeah… sure, Mikey is probably waiting, since he like to stay clear of here."

with one final gentle squeeze to leo's hand he left with Donnie, to once again close the room in darkness and silence. Little did they know Leo was listening and tried to squeeze back.

' _No, don't go, don't leave me alone!'_ yelled Leo mentally.

So Leo knowing his efforts to get them to come bsck in vain, continued to lay in his lifeless state. As he decended back into deep sleep he remembered the beginning of how all he knew crumbled around him and how the universe just won't let him dissapear.

 **3 weeks ago….**

Leonardo opened his eyes to the blank walls of the Professor Honeycutt's spacecraft. He couldn't even sleep, how could he? Everyone is dead on earth and its his fault, he should have known better than to trust a madman like shredder...all he wanted was to watch his father fall, to watch as he was cut down like straw in a field.

Leo forced himself out of his designated bed, his movements were that of a robots, his body only moving because of natural force that allows him to continue, but his hazed over eye blue that had once been the excellent color of shining sapphires are now dull and lifeless.

His body wants to live but… his soul has already left.

"hey good morning bro…"

Leo turns his head to see Donnie, his face in a short of half smile. Donnie, his mind at a loss for words for once when all Leo does is just turn and continue his path towards the "main area" (that's what i'm going to call it, it's better than control room to me so yeah…)

Once he entered the room he saw Mikey running from Raph, Leo gives a quick sigh.

' _Even when everything is gone they still manage to find ways to get at each other'_ Leo thought to himself as he sat down at the group table (yeah there is, bare with me, just imagine, the ship is going to be as I says it is!) Professor Honeycutt managed to find some food edible enough for them, April was helping him now get some ready for breakfast.

Off in the distance Donnie walked in with Casey they were both having a civil conversation for once….

"Woah dude, how down is he?" asks Casey

"Here is thing…I can't really tell." Donnie answered.

"what do you mean? how can you not tell?"

"Well Leo may suck at lying, but he is very good at hiding what he feels, usually we rely on his actions and the emotions his eyes display."

"wha…" asked Casey confused.

"Oh. My. God. let me dumb it down for you.."

"no, no that not what i meant, i mean how can you guys do that? Thats freaky!"

"We were all we had growing up, we are very close, well i guess we used to be…" Donnie said with traces of sadness in his voice.

"Oh Leo... Why can't you tell this time?"

"He is just...so calm.. and his eyes, I'm really worried about him."

"I'm sure he is just trying to get over things, it's only been a week, he just may need some more time to adjust dude. For now lets eat! Hey April babe how's it going in there?!"

"Yeah You're pro-... Hey wait! April is not your Babe!" Donnie yelled as he then chase after Casey as they both ran towards the ship's kitchen in there really annoying quest for April's love.

Leo rolls his eyes after Donnie and Casey ran after April, he then continued you to stare at the table. His wrists were itching, Leo started to re-adjust his wrist bandages, when all of a sudden..

"Leo save me!" Mikey yelled as he pounced upon Leo, which was soon followed by an angry Raph.

"MIKEY!"

"LEO!"

"ENOUGH!" yelled Leo pushed the two wrestling brothers off of him, trying to keep his composure leo took a deep breath in and out before standing, and placing the chair back in its place.

"What exactly is going?" Leo said as he tried to continue with his bandaging.

"Mikey colored my shell pink!" said Raph eyes burning with the fire of rage that was to soon kill Mikey.

" Sorry we needed something to laugh at! It's been so tense around here!" Mikey protested.

Leo slapped his hand to his face, a headache forming , he doesn't need this right now.

" Mikey please go get something to remove the mess you've made, and Raph please calm down and-"

"Calm Down?! you want me to calm down? Why are you defending him?! You should know aswell as I do that there is nothing to laugh about right now!"

"Raph I know and I'm not defen-"

"YES, yes you are, but you don't care do you? You don't really care about anything right now do you? all you have been doing right now is moping around! Did you even care about Mast-"

Before Raph could finish that sentence April and Honeycutt came in with food yeling "Breakfast!" Before Raph continued Leo has suddenly disappeared. Raph sighed

" See I told you!" Raph turned to see Mikey still there.

" Its way to tense.."

"hey aren't you supposed to get stuff to clean this?"

"aren't you supposed to stop being ugly?"

"Why you, I'm going to kill you!"

 **TBC….**

sorry Remcicles, I'm a day late :'(. I'm hoping this is good, I've been feeling pretty down about my stories… I don't know.. Well any there is chapter 1, hope you all like it! ;)

Leo: Insanity! WHY YOU HURT ME?!

Me : because I love you and your my favorite!

Leo: Wha?

ME: :)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hey sorry guys, I am very bad at typing stories fast and I'm kinda brain dead, and depressed lately so I hope this chapter makes up for me being so late…

With Leo

Leo was glad he could escape the pending argument. He turned to the bathroom and slammed the door shut and sunk to the floor, his shell resting against the door. The words still followed him around like a bothersome fly, but the annoying and easily could be ignored words stung like a bee. " _Hmmm...Earth had those...and sakura trees, father told me of them...I wish i could have seen some.."_ Leo thought before shaking his head as tears brimmed his eyes. No! He would not cry he must stay together be calm, be strength. He couldn't mourn, too busy being the glue that helped his brothers stay together. He had to helped them mourn.

His wrists started to itch and burn. Leo started to subconsciously rub them vigorously. He quickly left the bathroom, almost hitting April in his mad dash to his bedroom.

"woah! Leo, what's wrong?" April yelled but of course was meet with no reply as Leo ran into his room and shut the door.

Leo made sure the door was locked before finally ripping of the bandages on his wrist which was now unbearable aching with a powerful itch. as the stained white bandages fell to the ground Leo's scared wrist was reviled. His wrist was covered in many deep gashes; Some scared over in white and dark lines with dried blood settling on other while some.. were still fresh with small beads of blood appearing through the healing skin. ' _This is my punishment'_ he thought before taking out the small knife hiding in the bandages of his other hand and driving back onto his wrist, breaking the already worn skin and letting rivers of blood run down his his arm and pool to the floor.

He exhales, lifting his head towards the ceiling. tears run down his face as he drops the knife. ' _I feel...alive, but not, no.. I need to feel bad, I need to feel pain!'_ Leo grew frustrated with himself. He thought feeling nothing would be all he felt with this, that cutting and feeling his own blood leave would pay for his crimes, for letting everyone down, for letting them all die in a black hole that was their planet, their home. His brothers didn't deserve this life.. Traveling through space, no father, no place to call home, he had even dragged their friends into this.. this hell! He punched the wall with a fury even Raph would fear.

He wasn't upset at Raph's words, he wishes they were true. he wished he didn't care, he wishes he was nothing, he wished he could at least repay his brothers for what he took from them. Leo then opened his eyes, he smiled as tears flowed from his eyes and a pained smile appeared on his face. He quickly wiped away all the blood with a red stained cloth he stored under his pillow, reraped his wrist, being careful to make sure that no cut was being shown, and tucked the knife away once again. He stood up, stumbling a bit due to the blood loss but quickly regained his composure. An idea had appeared in his head. He would repay everyone's suffering with his own, he could faster reach that reach that state of nothingness by becoming nothing, he would no longer feel the guilt, he promised himself he would no longer sleep. He would rid himself of the terrors of many nightmares by eliminating sleep. He would no longer eat or drink so his brothers could have his portions, they didn't need his selfishness of eating. He didn't have the right to fuel his body with these essentials, he lost that right along time ago. With that he left his room with empty eyes and a fake smile that would fool his brothers while his true punishment began…

(April)

I waited down the hall for Leo, when he finally came out of his room I ran up to him.

"Leo are you okay? What happened? I saw you rubbing your wrist, is it hurt?" I blurted out, I didn't mean to sound overbearingly worried judging by the look on Leo's face I did, but I'm honestly worried, he is like my brother too, and I've known him long enough to know something is wrong.

"April, I'm fine, I'm just really stressed, and my wrist is fine I rub it as a stress reliever, but I'm all good." He said but something deeper is going on in his mind, I feel it.

"Are you sure? completely positive?"

"...Promise" he says hesitantly.

We stare at each other for a moment, I see his eyes are red, was he crying? Maybe it was just stress, We all had been pretty tense lately and with the world… yeah he is probably just stressed, I'll just have to trust him I guess, I know if I push any farther he would just silence himself completely from me. As I turn to walk away I look back and tell him one more thing before I walk away.'

"You can talk to me, you know that right"

He looked at me for a moment, some life returned to his eyes but to only dim down again.

"yeah.." he says face now like stone and we walk away from each other.

(Normal P.O.V.)

For the next week everyone started becoming increasingly worried about Leo, well more from April, Donnie, and Mikey. Casey just thought it was just Leo being Leo, and Raph, well as per usual he let his own emotions get in his way, and only continued to get angry at Leo.

In his mind Leo didn't care about him or Donnie, or Mikey, he sure as hell didn't seem to care about the death of Master Splinter and the destruction of earth, he'd never seen him cry once. Leo doesn't even hang around them anymore. Leo is up and gone before all of them training, always got to be Mr. Perfect. Whenever they stopped to get supplies on other plants, Leo would disappear till it was time to leave, and when asked to eat with them he stated that he had eaten while away or in space that he had a big breakfast, which Raph and Casey assumed it was because he got up early.

Mikey tried to deny what was happening and just tried to continue being happy for everyone, trying to let the wonders of space enchant him, but he still felt that something was empty and the sense of dread still floating in the air suffocated him. April knew something was going on but no one would listen besides Donnie, and even he wouldn't do much about what was happening, he thought it best to wait truly believing this was just temporary, that it was just Leo adjusting to a new setting much like he had to at the farm house.

"But he was in a coma there for three months! Donnie when he woke up he wasn't adjusting to the area as much as he was adjusting to being alive again!"

"April, I get what you mean, trust me, we all say how frustrated and sad Leo was about everything. I still sometimes blame myself for what happened."

Honeycutt then entered the "lab" per say. It was ok for a ship but not what Donnie had before.

" _beep_ , Hello my friends, sorry to eavesdrop like this, _bloop_ , but I couldn't help but overhear something about Leonardo in a coma? _beep_.

" Sorry professor we were just discussing Leo's behavior after waking up from a three month coma in comparison to now." said Donnie in his nerdy way. (forgive me)

" Yes, but professor here is the thing, something is going on with Leo! much deeper than what happened at the farm house! It's like.. he has given up." stated April lowering her head to the ground.

" Yes.. I regret to inform you that _Beep_ I have been sensing some very odd things about Leonardo as well, but sadly I didn't know if this was _bloop_ normal for his behavior or not, his body is experiencing large amounts of strain of most his vital systems."

" Told you Donnie, and have you seen him lately? he has gotten a thinner."

"Yes, April I see that! I see Leo becoming more sluggish and distracted as well! BUT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO! he took a deep breath, I just… don't know what to do, before we had hope, he believed Splinter was alive, he kept us believing that aswell, its like he is in a coma again, but he is still here…"

"Yet he is not?" April finished his sentence

"Yeah, but I guess we are all lost in our own little worlds too after this one weren't we?"

"yeah.."

"Well we will have to continue on this after we pick up some more supplies,beep I know of an underground market on a planet at these coordinates, sadly it's much like the moon of thalos 3 being that the planet is the farthest from its dying sun bloop." (forgive me.. I'm just making up stuff now, just go with it! why they gotta be in space?!)

" We should be there in about 30 min"

all of a sudden everything went silent as a loud scream was heard throughout the ship.

"LEO!"

 **_End of chp.2_**

 **omg I actually finished a chapter! YAY! I just want to say I'm really sorry! It's just, them being in space now and stuff has made it really hard for me to think, plus I'm not really digging on that whole MonaxRaph sh*t sorry to any of you who who do like it! Everything is just so messed up for me so I'm trying to portray that through the brothers, cause I'm pretty sure they had to realistically go through some hell in their world after all that death, well next chapter going to be a doozie! Peace!**

 **-Insanity**


	3. Chapter 3

So yeah I'm sorry I've been not updating my stories. It has been a long time. I can't keep giving excuses for my absence. I have started college a couple of months ago and I wish could update more and I promise I will. I still try to be somewhat active and read others works and comment. I seriously wish I had the talent you guys all have. I wish I was as creative as you all! So many great stories and ideas it's just wow! So Happy Holidays! I'm going to start updating more and I'm going to start posting different types of stories like TF2 and what not. I still will update my TMNT stories and create new ones but I want to add different type of fanfiction as well. You can also check me out on tumblr at Insanity 2116, Happy Holidays! I love you all!

(You may not hear from me but I'm always watching like a crazy hawk.)


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